A Guilty Homage

Some confessions before I begin ..This post started with lots of emotional outburst at first (which was originally filled with hatred) which I later removed for reasons some will understand .. I wanted to write a lot but when I did start writing, I found that I didnt have a lot to say … I felt so guilty that I changed the title of the post.

Here’s to all of you who left us during the recent unfortunate incidents..Here’s to all those who I never knew ..  We might have crossed the road in the same subway .. I might have smiled at your young children .. You might’ve helped me in finding a milestone .. We might’ve shared the same movie taste .. We might’ve helped each other unknowingly ..

These are the moments when one’s faith in higher power is shattered (and someone else’s faith is strengthened ) but I have to confess that I didnt know how to react when people started calling and then telling me that I was lucky not to be at the fateful place .. I was afraid that I’ll hear some bad news any minute .. I kept myself cut off from tv and news .. wasting my time at office pretending to be working and unafraid and uncaring .. But I did care .. You know I did ..

I now understand that I feel more pity for the people who did this than hatred towards them .. I pity them .. I pity their mothers who’ll now never admit that they gave birth to some monsters .. I pity them because I know they met their end on the wrong path .. They dont deserve to get more mention here that this much ..

People say that those who left us have gone to a better place now .. I know it sounds consoling .. But I know this world is left poorer when you are gone .. I know that we’ve lost something which we can never get again ..

… . .. I wonder what was going through your mind in your last minutes ..  Here’s to everyone whom I’ll never see again now .. I mourn for you .. And I feel guilty that I couldnt do anything in your time of horror and pain .. I really wish that this never wouldve happened .. 

Rest in peace all of you .. I’d like believe you’ve really gone to a better place .. .. (Not you who did all this … You’ll rot in hell)