I Hate You All …

I know writing your comeback script with a title like that can be a risky business but I wanted to give credit to people who bugged me so much that they broke my blogger’s block .. So I’m gonna talk about people who bang my door every now and then .. Here we go then .. :

  • My Newspaperwallah : Boy, I hate you already when you deliver the paper late (or not at all) but why do you effing have to announce that you’ve dropped the paper by ringing the doorbell ? I really hate getting up in morning to answer the bell to find there’s no soul outside .. My neighbors don’t steal newspaper if you must know …
  • Kachrewali : (I don’t even know if she can even read Hindi / Marathi let alone English .. But for whatever its worth… ) … I don’t understand why do you think I generate enough crap everyday so that you can collect daily … I don’t understand why you look so disappointed when I tell you there’s nothing in the dust bin .. I don’t understand why you don’t show up when I DO put that dust bin in front of my door …
  • “Ghar main paanch saal se kam ka bachcha hai kya?” waali’s: I really don’t understand why do you have to come and check every month to find out if I did get a baby miraculously when I already told you last month ..? I know some of you girls might wanna help but have I ever asked any of you “Come on inside and we’ll see what can be done about it”
  • Feedback wallahs : I only have this feedback : If I don’t use your service doesn’t it mean it sucks already .. and if I do use your service : Dude .. Do something about it … It sucks … 👿
  • Cablewallah : How come the only time that I get to know of your existence is when you come to collect the monthly bill and not when I complain about your pathetic set top box from hell on an average of ten times a month …?
  • Telephonewallah: Well .. I don’t hate you that much anymore .. Not ever since when I fixed my telephone line myself and told you when you did show up on time .. And when I lodged the complain next time and you did show up (after a week) and said “Maine socha aapne khud hi theek kar liya hoga ab tak” … Grrr
  • “Saamnewala ghar par hai kya?” wallahs : Moron … If he was home wouldn’t he answer your crappy banging-his-door-for-ten-minutes ..?? I really wonder if the saamnewala has to endure the same pain …
  • “Papa ghar par hain kya ?” wallahs : Do I really look this young ..?? I really hate it people think its my dad who works in SBI and not me …
  • Whoever comes knocking when I am shaving / taking bath / you know what …
  • Towing wallahs : I remember we use to call them in Tonche wallahs … Though you people dont come to my home but added you to this list anyway … I really hate worrying about my ride when I’m shopping or visiting someone …

Hmmm… It looks this can go on and on … I am gonna take a print out of this page and stick it on my door and see if works …

PS: I really think I can start writing more often now … So keep bugging me if I dont blog often … 🙂

New way to earn from home : Sell your crap ..!

And I am not very excited about it… Imagine opening up the newspaper when you get up at 11 in the morning (yes MORNING) and reading such a headline.. It turns out chairman of some committee, Mr. R Waikar has put up a proposal that says BMC will start buying all your crap from you. BMC will pay Twenty Five paise per kilo of the kachra collected from you .. “All this to try and stop you from dumping the waste carelessly and thus dirtying the city” .. All through my breakfast I was thinking about what will be the consequences if people started trading their crap .. Here are some of my pennyless thoughts .. :

1: Yelp! Someone stole my crap ! : Imagine people going to Police Station for complaining that someone has stolen their litter box .. “It was about seven kilo in weight and smelled pretty bad .. It was in a black plastic bag ” .. “Btw .. What are you hiding ??? That looks like my piece of crap !!” .. To which the policewallah will sheepishly tell the man that this was his own crap collected from a rave party at his home last night …

2: Everything is crap … ! : People will start selling everything they have no use to BMC .. People will start bringing work to their homes and sell them to BMC babus in the morning .. I can almost imagine little Chunnu proudly telling his mother “Ma .. I earned twelve rupees today by selling my school bag ! “…

3: My crap is better than yours ! : People will start competing in the quality of their crap .. Those selling big packets of kachra will have more recognition (they are keeping the city cleaner) .. Saas bahus will gossip about how much crap their next door neighbor is collecting these days ..

4: A new breed of entrepreneurs : Soon a new surname will join the Cablewallah, Tyrewallahs .. : Kachrawallah .. People will start importing and exporting kachra from Bombay .. Boy ! Thats a nice new opening ..!

5: A new source of income : You’ll have to declare how much you earn from selling your kachra .. It will be added under the head Income from other sources in your Saral form ..Govt will start taxing those who sells too much kachra .. !

… … …….

I have some more world destructive ideas in my head but I dont want to voice them .. See I am in a very crappy mood right now .. Where the crap is my litter box .. I need to weigh it ..

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